Rebounds and Anti-Rebounds
I'm not sure whether rebound relationships are worse, or the penny ante antics that people pull when they are deliberately or subconsciously avoiding commitment. Rebounds certainly have their challenges, as there is inevitably someone that gets hurt, if not both sides. But I propose that the alternate can be far worse.
Think of it this way: say a man starts falling for a woman he has been seeing. Sometime after they start seeing each other, the woman says that she is not interested in anything, and that the other person may be someone she would be interested in, but not right now. The man watches this woman bounce from man to man, not really getting serious, not necessarily being promiscuous. The man makes it clear that he is willing to put into it whatever is required, but she just takes advantage of it, asking for help, getting attention, but providing little in return. Eventually, this man will walk away hurt and upset because he was willing, and the other person was too busy reliving her youth.
Which is worse? A rebound relationship built on false pretenses, or a relationship that never gets off the ground because of the immaturity of the other? The rebound relationship is certainly harder to discern at the outset, though not impossible. The other relationship is easier to identify, but more life sucking because the man thinks that he has a chance.
Honesty is not limited to fact. Honesty ties into integrity, and it has not to do with just the words, but also the actions of the individual. I may be factually honest in my words, but show little integrity in my actions by taking advantage of the interest of the other. This is neither appropriate, nor healthy.
In the end, we should probably avoid both types of relationships where we can. However, we are human and we do tend to get ourselves into nice little messes along the way. My guidance is this: enter into no relationship that you are not willing to accept the risk of being hurt or losing out. Live life, regret nothing, but never forget your own needs and desires along the way.
Think of it this way: say a man starts falling for a woman he has been seeing. Sometime after they start seeing each other, the woman says that she is not interested in anything, and that the other person may be someone she would be interested in, but not right now. The man watches this woman bounce from man to man, not really getting serious, not necessarily being promiscuous. The man makes it clear that he is willing to put into it whatever is required, but she just takes advantage of it, asking for help, getting attention, but providing little in return. Eventually, this man will walk away hurt and upset because he was willing, and the other person was too busy reliving her youth.
Which is worse? A rebound relationship built on false pretenses, or a relationship that never gets off the ground because of the immaturity of the other? The rebound relationship is certainly harder to discern at the outset, though not impossible. The other relationship is easier to identify, but more life sucking because the man thinks that he has a chance.
Honesty is not limited to fact. Honesty ties into integrity, and it has not to do with just the words, but also the actions of the individual. I may be factually honest in my words, but show little integrity in my actions by taking advantage of the interest of the other. This is neither appropriate, nor healthy.
In the end, we should probably avoid both types of relationships where we can. However, we are human and we do tend to get ourselves into nice little messes along the way. My guidance is this: enter into no relationship that you are not willing to accept the risk of being hurt or losing out. Live life, regret nothing, but never forget your own needs and desires along the way.
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posted by Strycher @ 01:35
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